Monday, February 17, 2020

Comment Wall



Lion picture at Pixabay

10 comments:

  1. Hi Gabriela! I really enjoyed your story. I actually did my first portfolio story over the same story source. Our stories have close to the same lesson, that it feels good to do something for others. I think that it is incredible how two stories from the same source can be totally different from one another but still have the same hidden moral. I did see what I believe was one typo.
    "The lion kept his work to never harm anyone and be nothing but good to the villager." I think maybe you meant word instead of work.
    I wonder how the story would change if we knew why the lion was in the cage. It seems as though the villager doesn't know why the lion was in the cage either, or I don't think he would be seconding guessing himself so much after letting the lion out. Adding to the backstory of why the lion was locked away could allow the reader to understand why the villager was so worried about letting him out, apart from the fact that it is a lion of course.
    I liked how you used the road and the tree as things that get used and never get anything in return. I think that they were really good examples.

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  2. Hey Gabby! I liked your story. I haven’t read the original so I’ll do my best for feedback for you!

    1. I was totally expecting this story to end horribly. I was absolutely convinced that the lion was going to eat the villager and all his friends and the moral of the story would’ve been to not trust anyone. I’m so pleased that it ended happily! I love when the story has a happy ending!
    2. I think you could really expand upon the relationships of the villager. What if you added in some controversy? Instead of saying, “Trust your gut” what if the other villager does something wild like starts a riot and asks for the man to be banished if the lion hurts someone, too? I feel like it needs a little spice.
    3. I like that you deviated from the original (as explained in your author’s notes) and didn’t lock the lion back up!

    Overall, you’ve done good work! My general feedback would be to include more detail to capture the audience’s attention a bit more!

    Have an awesome semester!

    - Tricia

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  3. Hello Gabby,

    I would like to start off by saying that I really enjoyed reading this short story. When I began to read the story I totally thought that by releasing the lion he would come after the villager and would eat them as his food. I like how the story had the happy ending instead of a terrible ending that would have included everyone getting eaten by the lion. I believe that there could have been a little bit more detail given on why the lion was locked up and also the lion and the villager's relationship. I also think that if you were able to give more detail then the story would be more interesting. Overall I think you did a good job with replacing the tiger with the lion from the original story and can not wait to read more of this story in the near future.

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  4. Hi Gabby!

    Wow! I love how you skipped an introduction and just jumped right into the story! I did the same! I also really liked your picture of the lion being fed in the cave. The focus on the meat by the lion makes me fell hungry. I love how the tree's response was that "he always gives shade" I thought this was a tremendous and hilarious response.

    I wonder what the lion was thinking? Why did you decide to focus more on the villagers perspective? Could you give both perspectives?

    What if you could add something where the lion interacts with another villager? Maybe, the lion sees a young boy and protects it or something. I am not exactly sure what this would look like. But an addition to your story showing that the villager made the correct decision would be interesting. Maybe the lion would protect the village from another creature?

    Overall, I thought this story was great and I cannot wait to learn more from your future stories!

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  5. Hey Gabby,

    I liked what you did with this story! After reading the original source material, it was refreshing to read a story with much more good-natured characters. The added bit of personifying inanimate objects like the tree and the road make it really feel like a fairy tale as well.

    I do think the story could use a bit more conflict, however, as nothing really puts the villager's decision to the test. You say that the moral of the story is to not expect gratitude, yet that's exactly what the villager gets, as the lion ends up saving his life because he is grateful that the villager freed him. Perhaps there is a way of adding something that makes the act of freeing the lion a thankless endeavor, yet one that the villager does anyway for no reward simply because he believes it's the right thing to do.

    Regardless, I enjoyed your story and I hope to read more in the future!

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  6. Hey Gabby!
    I loved your story book. I read a similar story last week and loved your interpretation of it too. This goes to show how many creative ideas can come from one thing! Your title of “Hidden Morals” really attracted to me to your site because I love discussing morals and ethics because I really don’t think this is a black and white answer. What inspired you to dedicate your entire semester project to this?

    I thought your site had such a unique layout to it! My only suggestion would be maybe changing the banner images to different images throughout your site. I thought your dialogue was good and was really engaged with your story thought out! I was nervous that maybe you’d change the ending to the lion becoming dangerous and was relieved when it turned out happy in the end. Overall, really great job and I can’t wait to read more of your stories this semester!

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  7. Hey Gabby!
    I thoroughly enjoyed reading your entire storybook. I am doing a similar theme, so I was excited to read this story. I was wondering, why did you choose to not include an introduction? I had toyed with the idea of not having an introduction, since it was not necessary for my portfolio. I thought that your retelling of the story was really awesome, and the source material was super cool too! I am glad that you chose to do this storybook, and I really cannot wait to do more. I really do not have any critiques, I think you did an amazing job as a whole. I will definitely be checking back next week to see your next story after everything is finished. I am really excited to see how your storybook plays out and how your revisions are going to strengthen your page as a whole. I can't wait to check back! Enjoy the rest of your sunday.
    best wishes,
    Mikayla

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  8. Hey Gabby!

    This was a fun story! I absolutely love this rewrite much more than the actual story. I also like how your website is set up, with the big banner image of the tiger on the first page. I was really excited to engage with your story once I saw that.

    Toward the end of your text, you should break up your paragraphs more. Also, I think you should move the image information to the bottom of the page. I read it like it was a part of the narrative and became really confused. I think you should also set off the Author's note more (with a line or something) so I can tell the narrative ends. It all looks like the same block of text when I'm reading it. (This stuff is purely aesthetic/readability related.)

    Other than that, I really loved your story and I'm excited to read more!

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  9. Hey Gabby!

    I really like your stories that you have included in your storybook and I LOVE how they teach morals! The pictures you included in both stories are great for sure! I like how you kinda wrapped the second story around our own campus with the pictures! What else could you put into your story to pull the reader in and break each story apart? Just an idea on something to include! Great job other than that!

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  10. Hi Gabby! I just finished reading the two stories in your project and I have some conflicting feedback. The first story was great, it has a nice pace, it is well-written, the ending is unexpected, overall a great first story. The second one though felt a bit rushed for me. After reading the first one and knowing how well you can write, the second one felt like it was lacking a little, at least for me. The plot itself is fine, as it stays true to the original, but the writing itself felt overly simplistic to the point of becoming a bit confusing. I would recommend you read that story out loud or have someone else read it out loud to you so that you can hear it and decide how to improve on it. I'm not saying the story is bad, because it is actually pretty good, I just know you can do so much better, especially after reading the first story. Overall this is great work so far, hope my feedback helps in improving your stories!

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