Friday, February 14, 2020

Week 5 Story: Ramo's Pond

In a jungle far far away, there is a dolphin named Ramo, who was king of the pond that he lived in. One day a year, many animals came from all over the jungle to bathe in King Ramo's pond.

Ramo's pond in the jungle;
Source: Pxhere


On that day, a lion named Royal showed up to bathe in the pond. While he was there, a beautiful cheetah showed up to bathe as well. She was beautiful and lit up as bright as the moon. She stole the lion's heart and was left breathless. Not knowing what to do, Royal asked the dolphin, "what do you know about that stunning cheetah and where did she come from?"

Ramo replied, "Her name is Diamond and she lives with her father very deep in the jungle."

When Royal went back home, he did not eat, he was lovesick. His parents asked him what was wrong and he just sat there. Eventually, he told them that he had seen a beautiful cheetah named Diamond that stole his heart while he was bathing in King Ramo's pond. His dad's face lit up and he said, "I know her father, I can ask her father to let you have her hand in marriage." After hearing this news, He eagerly ate his dinner and the next day they set off to find them in the jungle.

They traveled a far distance until alas they came across the area of the jungle where Diamond and her dad Larry live. Royal's dad explained how his son had seen her at Ramo's pond and it was love at first sight. He asked Larry if Royal could have Diamond's hand in marriage and he agreed.

A few months later, Larry officially handed over his daughter and she married Royal. Happily married, he took his wife and they went to live together at his parent's area of the jungle.

One day, Diamond's brother came to visit and was welcomed with open arms by his sister. He informed them that Larry had sent him to invite them to a festival that was taking part where his parents lived.

The next morning, they set off to travel across the jungle to where Diamond's family lived and on the way, they stopped at Ramo's pond. Royal went to speak to the King and as he was worshipping him he had an idea. He thought to himself, what better way to worship him than to sacrifice my own life. So he found a very sharp boulder, took it to his neck and sliced his head off.

His brother-in-law went looking for him because he was worried about what was taking him so long. When he saw what Royal had done, he was mad, upset and in grief so he did the same exact thing and sliced his head off.

Diamond walked in and instantly fell to the floor crying when she saw what had happened. She started to scream and yell while pounding the ground and crying. She yelled to Ramo, "Why should I even live, what is my life good for now?" She was about to kill herself and started praying to the King.

The king answered her prayers and said, "My dear Diamond, do not do something that you will later regret. If you put their heads back on them then they shall come back to life." So Diamond listened to the King and did as she was told, but made a mistake. She put her brother's head on Royal's body and Royal's head on her brother's body.

They both awoke and were happy listening to each other's adventures. They worshipped the King one more time and went on their way. Diamond was troubled and had no idea what to do.

The Girl, Her Husband and Her Brother translated by Arthur W. Ryder

Author's note: In the original story, White, who was a laundryman, came to bathe at a lake called Bath of Gauri. While he was there he met a beautiful woman named Lovely. White's dad asked Lovely's dad if his son could have her hand in marriage and Lovely's dad agreed. They got married, and when her brother came to visit them and invite them to a festival back at Lovely's parent's house they set off on a journey. They stopped at the temple of Gauri to worship the Goddess and both While and his brother-in-law beheaded themselves with a sword to show some sacrifice. Lovely was distraught and the Goddess told her that if she put their heads back on they would come back to life. However, Lovely accidentally switched their heads and was confused about what to do. I put a twist on it and used animals instead of people.

8 comments:

  1. Hi Gabriela! I really enjoyed your story. As I read it I had the feeling that it was meant to be a fable for kids to learn a lesson from, probably because of the characters being animals, only this one had a bit of dark twist at the end. I wanted to know, why did you decide to do this with animals instead of people? And, why did you choose those animals? I enjoyed the twist but I was just wondering why you chose it. I think the story might be even better if we had more background about the characters and their stories. I understand this was just a retelling of the story, but you have the opportunity to improve upon the original one by adding details that the story missed. Overall I really enjoyed it, you did great!

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  2. I am going to try the Let's Pretend feedback strategy for Week 5.

    Hi! It's me, Royal. I know my idea was dumb and I'm really glad you brought me back to life! I more than ecstatic that I actually got to marry Diamond as she is the love of my life. I don't know what I was thinking when I decided that killing myself would be a good way to worship the King because I had such a good life going with my beautiful wife so I am very happy I got a second chance. With all that in mind, I don't mean to sound ungrateful so don't take this the wrong way but could I please be put back on my original body? I know some readers may enjoy the dark twist at the end and I know I should be happy to have a second chance but I can't help but miss MY body! It also is very weird between Diamond and I and its straining our relationship. I promise to never do something that stupid every again!

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  3. Hello Gabriela,

    I would like to begin by saying that I really enjoyed reading your story. When I began to read your story I thought that it was meant for children because the fable mainly contained characters of animals. However, when I got to the end of the story it made me realize that it was not meant fo children because it had a dark ending to it. This fable was full of twist and turns which I believe kept my attention on the story. Why did you chose the animals that you did for this story? Why did you make the ending a dark ending? I also like the original story that had the happy ending in it. I believe that this story also needs to build on its characters that are told in the story. Overall, I think you did a great job with retelling the original story.

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  4. Good day again, Gabriela.

    From the original source to your version it is clear that you made it your own. I'm one for making things your own so that you can be tied to it for a longer period of time. This helps us write more on the matter as well as to refine it if necessary.

    I look forward to reading more from you in the future.

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  5. Hi Gabriela,

    I loved this riddle in the story of the Twenty-Two Goblins. I see how without the context of the rest of the story, using animals for the characters in one of the riddles make it sound like a fable! Very interesting. I think it would be cool if you retold the portion of the story that includes the king and the goblin, what if they were animals too? Or something else entirely? Why did you choose the animals that you did? I enjoyed the read!

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  6. Hi Gabby. I am completely unfamiliar with the original story so when I got to the point of in the story where Royal offed himself I was completely shocked. What in the world is this fool doing? Then when his brother-in-law followed suit I thought, these folks are all crazy. I also love that the king in the story is a dolphin and the fact that he lives in a pond. Fun stuff!

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  7. Hey Gabriela! I had never heard of this story before, but I was super excited to get to read this story. I think that your writing and your creativity is so impressive. I think that the way you can make an original story out of such an abstract source, it is awesome! I really have something to learn about writing from you. I am super impressed by the entire story. Overall, great work!

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  8. Hi Gabriela! I haven't ever read this story before, so it was completely new to me. I'm very glad Diamond didn't take her own life at the end. Honestly though, I'm pretty confused by the story in general. Your writing was good, I think I just need to read the original story to get a better grasp of what is actually happening? Overall, I loved your level of creativity and I enjoyed reading your story!
    Good luck this semester!

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